Why not just call a turnip a
turnip?
You mean "parsnip" (pasternak)?
Do you also despise that other nabokovian bete
noir, Albert Schweitzer?
Never heard of him (unless he is "Dr Swissair of Lumbago"
mentioned in Ada by Dorothy Vinelander).
There was once Doctor Mertvago
who lived in a place called Lumbago...
shamelessly,
Alexey